Have you ever thought about the negative and positive reinforcement of teachers? Sure, we think about it all the time when it comes to the behavior management of our students.
But have you ever thought about how it is used on us as school leaders, teachers, and adults of society in general?
Think about it: so often, we are praised for being strong and for moving on with our lives and growing through our challenges.
Grit and resilience are badges of honor, while letting our messy emotions out is a sure sign of weakness.
But the reality is that we all feel messy feelings. Not a single human being who has lived on this earth has made it through without hardship. And the truth of the matter is that those messy feelings don’t have to stay hidden.
In fact, I would venture to say that it is imperative that we—school leaders, teachers, professionals, parents—do not hide these messy feelings.
Think about it: As school leaders, teachers, and even parents, we naturally have influence. (Does that make us the real “influencers”?) 🤣
If we have influence with the people around us—both peers and the younger generation—we should strive to set an example of true strength: showing up and facing our struggles head-on.
That’s grit. That’s resilience. That’s healthy.
Research shows that expressing and processing our emotions can
help us weather even the most difficult situations. Taking note of our emotions allows us to honor what is happening in our lives and think about what we can actually do to help the problem.
Here are three simple steps to start building healthy positivity for yourself:
1️⃣ Listen. Stop shaming the feelings you’re feeling or getting irritated with yourself for being human and having messy feelings. Listen to your body and let yourself feel. Treat yourself like a friend: put your phone down and let your mind and heart talk to you.
2️⃣ Acknowledge your feelings. Name the feeling you’re experiencing and let it be. Don’t try to talk yourself out of your sadness. Own the fact that you’re sad and that it’s okay to have feelings. Acknowledging someone’s problems and emotions tells them you’ve heard them and their feelings are valid. Do that for yourself, too.
3️⃣ Regulate your way back to neutral. Before you can jump back to positive emotions, you have to feel your way out of the negative and enter the neutral zone. So, in other words, find a healthy way to let your feelings out. Do you need some time away? Do you need to rest? Would a walk do the trick? How about some journalling or engaging in a hobby? One thing that helps me when I start feeling the heavy feelings is to get out and move my body.
Once you’re back to neutral and have truly let yourself feel the messy feelings, it’s okay to feel positive again, even if the problems are not resolved.
A big piece of healthy positivity is realizing that you are not responsible for solving all of the problems that cause your messy feelings. You are responsible for taking ownership of what’s yours to own and for allowing yourself to:
Here’s the bottom line: life is complex, and you are human. Give yourself grace!
There is more in chapter three of my book, Teach Happy, that will help you learn how to navigate the messy while also staying true to yourself.
Also, fun fact….
A superintendent we have worked with is leading his entire admin team through a Teach Happy book study. To help keep the momentum going, we are hoping to plan a keynote in December, too!
Bravo to leaders who are committed to prioritizing employee happiness! 🎉
** Science proves that we can all become happier, and when we do, we boost our performance in our work and our personal lives.
In Teach Happy: Small Steps to Big Joy, I teach others how to cultivate the habits that put science into action because I believe prioritizing happiness gets us life-changing results.
As always, cheering you on!
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